Somedays I wish I could start over. I wish I could tell my younger self to slow down, develop your soul, see more of the world. I wish I could tell my younger self to be steadfast when challenged, to not lose so much ground that, when life gets hard, you have to start over. I wish I could tell my younger self to be picky, not to settle for being someone else’s “grosse Liebe,” not unless they are also your own great love. Dear, it needs to be two-sided. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to take your mother’s advice and spend a year living on your own after college, but I would also tell myself not to cower too much to my mother’s will, because she, too, is reacting to her own demons, even if she won’t admit it until you’re thirty-one and it is too late. I wish I could tell myself that its okay to be happy with less than perfect, but it isn’t okay to coast. That talent you’ve got will only get you so far, the rest of the way takes a lot of perseverance, and perseverance takes practice. I’d tell myself to spend more time outdoors…the bears probably won’t eat you this time. Really.
Instead, today, I’ll remind myself not to cower. Be proud that you fight like a man, even when that dominance is distasteful to some, because if they can’t handle it, maybe they shouldn’t be picking fights in the first place. Don’t settle. Don’t settle. Don’t settle… no matter how comfortable it feels. And don’t say “yes” unless you damn well mean it and you’ve cleared a path, so that no one else will ever get in the way of a promise again. Read to your girls, smile at them, even when there doesn’t seem to be much to smile about, and be thankful for the blessings you do have, because they’re bountiful. Go to confession, get an annulment, be completely free for once. It will feel better, and then no one can hold it over your head. And birthday parties don’t really matter, just make sure that those children feel special, because they are.
Scouting for a climb, not yet ready.
if you please just don’t make me
What I mean is, on some nights I miss you so much
that I never want to see you again."
— Ali Shapiro, excerpt from “If I Leave You Then Maybe I Won’t Have To Miss You So Much” (via hellanne)
A rainy day might not be good for a lot of things, but if you are up for a moody walk - it hits the spot.
I am a silly girl, my head too full of wishes.
- “Write her a letter, send her a flower, love only gets old if you let it.”— William Chapman
- “But I want you to think on. Love’s precious. It doesn’t always happen twice, you know.”— Alexandra Potter, Calling Romeo
- “If you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there’s salvation in life. Even if you can’t get together with that person.”